Warren farrell quotes

Male makeup is men's titles, status and paying for dates. Makeup is what both sexes use to bridge the gap between the power they have and the power they'd like to have. Both male and female makeup are compensations for feelings of powerlessness.

Without children, men have more liberty to earn less - that is, they are free to pursue more fulfilling and less lucrative careers, like writing or art or teaching social studies.

People who work 44 hours per week make 50 percent more than people who work 34 hours a week.

If women really earned fifty-nine cents to the dollar for the same work as men, what business could compete effectively by hiring men at any level?

As I looked more carefully at the listening matrix I saw that during the past twenty years we had taken a magnifying glass to the first of these four quadrants, the female experience of powerlessness. I saw I was subconsciously making a false assumption: The more deeply I understood women's experience of powerlessness, the more I assumed men had the power women did not have. In fact, what I was understanding was the female experience of male power.

When birth control pills were available in Europe but not in the United States, American women created an uproar about how the unwillingness to make the pill available showed a contempt for the lives of women. When the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) released birth control pills with high dosages of hormones that were later found to be unnecessarily high, they were attacked for not caring about women enough to do the necessary tests.

Men’s greatest weakness is their facade of strength, and women’s greatest strength is their facade of weakness.

Together, we came to understand how we beg men to express feelings, but then when men do express feelings, we call it sexism, male chauvinism, or backlash.

And with the rape, I was showing why the rape statistics are exaggerated, and saying that date rape was much more complex than the way feminists had portrayed it, as men oppressing women.

Feminism justified female victim power by convincing the world that we lived in a sexist, male-dominated, and patriarchal world.

Letting men die is a money-saving device. Safety costs money as one safety official put it, 'When everything is hurry, hurry, hurry, when you start pressuring people and taking shortcuts, things can go wrong. And then people die.' No. And then men die.

When women hold off from marrying men, we call it independence. When men hold off from marrying women, we call it fear of commitment.

In our society, the sound of men complaining is like nails on a chalkboard.

Asking the legal system to resolve divorce is like asking a boxing coach to be our marriage counselor.

In San Diego there is a highly popular course called How to Marry Money. Note that the marriage is to money - not to a person. I inquired about the percentage of men attending... 'The course is really for women,' [the instructor replied,] 'it's not relevant to men.'

Male bashing is everywhere. It would be a mistake to view the current situation as another skirmish in the war between the sexes. Women have been doing the shooting, and men have been burying their heads in the sand, hoping the bullets will miss.

When women are at the height of their beauty power and exercise it, we call it marriage. When men are at the height of their success power and exercise it, we call it a mid-life crisis.

When we suggest that men are at the top because men discriminate, we miss the point. Men are at the top of the work hierarchy because work has been primarily men's responsibility.

But when feminists suggest that God might be a She without suggesting that the Devil might also be female, they must be opposed.

Humans tend to start the process of change by acknowledging themselves. Thus blacks asserted black pride and 'black is beautiful;' women declared 'I am woman, I am strong'; men are saying 'I am man, I am okay.' After a quarter of a century of male bashing, that's not a bad start.

A man cannot tell whether a woman is in love with him or his security blanket until she is financially and psychologically independent enough to leave. Until a woman has learned how to leave, even she cannot be sure she has learned to love.

The average full-time working male works more than a full-time working female.

We have entered 'The Era of the Three-Option Woman and the No-Option Man.'

A man's primary fantasy is access to a variety of attractive women without the fear of rejection.

Men have not stacked the decks against women.

Why do we resist giving help to homeless men? In part because we don't understand how our pressure on men to support families often forces men to take transient jobs that are but a step away from homelessness (the death-of-a-salesman jobs, the migrant worker jobs...) and in part because we respond differently to men who fail [than women who fail].

Fear of emotional contact with men out of fear of being a sexual suspect makes boys, ironically, even more powerless before girls. Homophobia is like telling the United States it will be a sissy nation if it doesn't get all its oil from OPEC.

Unless a woman asks men out (the first time) as often as men ask her out, then the assertion 'He asked me out, therefore he pays' is just a double jeopardy of the male role: he must not only do the asking, he must pay extra for risking extra rejection.

Men are fair, and they have learned not to personalize anger - they can disagree with you and argue to the bone, but afterward they still consider you a nice person with whom the underlying human relationship need not be altered.

Sex role training becomes divorce training.

Black men, Indian men, and gay men have all have something in common: They do not provide an economic security blanket for women.

When I feel very loved, when I nurture and support people, my experience is deepened. I feel connected to a larger purpose and meaning.

If women had to promise to provide for a man for a lifetime before he removed his veil and showed her his smile, would we think of this as a system of female privilege?

When a man is forced into early retirement, he is often being 'given up for a younger man.' Being forced into early retirement can be to a man what being 'given up for a younger woman' is for a woman... Why do many men get more upset by retirement than women do from the empty nest when their children leave home? When females retire from children, they can try a career; when a man retires from a career, his children are gone.

Men don't oppress women any more than women oppress men.

The worst aspect of dating from the perspective of many men is how dating can feel to a man like robbery by social custom - the social custom of him taking money out of his pocket, giving it to her, and calling it a date. To a young man, the worst dates feel like being robbed and rejected. Boys risk death to avoid rejection (e.g., by joining the Army

Is there discrimination against women? Yes. There's no denying that the old boys' network is alive and well. But there's also discrimination against men.

Empathy is at the core of family stability and love. I've never had a couple come to me and say, I want a divorce; my partner understands me.

Feminists often discuss women having two jobs: work and children. True. But no one discusses those divorced and remarried men who have three jobs: work, and two sets of children to nurture and financially support.

Men are the Rosie-the-Riveters of parenting. They're brought in only when needed, and considered disposable thereafter.

Only when a woman shares male risks can she really begin to understand men.

When we commit violence against an infant girl, we call it child abuse; when we commit violence against an infant boy, we call it circumcision.

Without husbands, women have to focus on earning more. They work longer hours, they're willing to relocate and they're more likely to choose higher-paying fields like technology.

It would be hard to find a single example in history in which a group that cast more than 50 percent of the vote got away with calling itself the victim... Women are the only 'oppressed' group to share the same parents as the 'oppressor'; to be born into the middle class and upper class as frequently as the 'oppressor'; to own more of the culture's luxury items than the 'oppressor'.

Just as the Depression left a generation of dads feeling they never had enough money, so father deprivation is leaving a generation of sons and daughters with different psychic wounds.

Hazing is both testing and training to subordinate self to the team.

Raising children was not designed for single parents. (Which is why divorce was such a taboo prior to birth control).

Women's genetic celebrity power magnifies men's protector instinct. It inspires the government-as-substitute-husband. Men's addiction to the genetic celebrity is either invisible or in the denial stage thus we either don't see it, or when confronted, deny it.

Our choice of partners is one of the clearest statements about our choice of values.

Sexism is discounting the female experience of powerlessness; the new sexism is discounting the male experience of powerlessness.

I am often asked why men don't get as worked up as they might about women - particularly poor women - having to use their bodies as prostitutes. Because most men unconsciously experience themselves as prostitutes every day - the miner, the firefighter, the construction worker, the logger, the soldier, the meatpacker - these men are prostitutes in the direct sense: they sacrifice their bodies for money and for their families.

Falling in love is biologically natural; sustaining love is biologically un-natural. Sustaining love requires a learned discipline. The discipline of love. The discipline of understanding our partner. (I've never heard someone say I want a divorce - my partner understands me.)

In one decade, women had gotten more protection against offensive jokes in the workplace than men had gotten in centuries against being killed in the workplace.

By the 1970s, the American woman was being called 'liberated' or 'superwoman' while the American man was being called 'baby killer' if he fought in Vietnam, 'traitor' if he protested, or 'apathetic' if he did neither. Even men who came home paraplegics were literally spit on.

Men will not change as long as women 'marry up.' Men won't change until we have a perspective on how powerless power makes us. A woman cannot help a man change until she has a perspective on how powerless power makes men.

When a government requires a man to support a child he was tricked into creating, that government subsidizes fraud. No. It is worse than that: It subsidizes the woman using a man's body for 18-21 years without his consent.

A 2001 survey of business owners with MBAs conducted by the Rochester Institute of Technology found that money was the primary motivator for only 29% of women, versus 76% of men. Women prioritized flexibility, fulfillment, autonomy and safety.

A shared choice movement sees the fetus as the genes of a woman and the genes of a man; the flesh of the woman, the flesh of the man; the bone of a woman, the bone of a man; the responsibility of a woman, the responsibility of a man; the rights of a woman, the rights of a man. It desires a transition to equality.

In fact, the socialization gives us the tools to fill our evolutionary roles. They are our building blocks.

The most unacknowledged spending expectation among women is the amount of time spent by single mothers caring for children, not only physically, but psychologically. It is my feeling that only a small percentage of a mother's time is normally compensated for by child support, given what a woman could make adding these hours to workforce hours. It is why women who have never been married and never had children earn so much more in the workplace than women who have had children.

It is in the interests of both sexes to hear the other sex's experience of powerlessness.

There are 25 differences in the way women and men behave in the workplace. These 25 differences lead to men receiving higher pay and women having better lives or at least more balanced lives.

Sexual harassment in the workplace confuses rewards for performance with rewards for attractiveness and sexual availability.

Even a 30-year-old man whose wife dies is eleven times more likely to commit suicide than a 30-year-old man whose wife is living. At age 30, when men can bury themselves in their jobs and are physically and financially attractive to women, the loss of the one woman a man loves is so devastating it is often not softened even by the opportunities for many women... in brief, it is the loss of love that devastates men.

The more the father is involved, the more easily the child makes open, receptive, and trusting contact with new people in its life.

To me, God is the accumulated wisdom I've gathered throughout my life. When I pay attention, my body gives me a printout of this wisdom.

The government passed more laws to protect women from dirty jokes than to protect men from death by faulty rafters at a construction site.

The 'enduring theme' [in fiction] of male competition and female competition for the hero/survivor has taken us from the fittest surviving to the brink of no one surviving. Sex roles have gone from functional to dysfunctional almost overnight. This is why the enduring theme must be questioned now.

I'm an awfully loyal friend. Once I've started a relationship with someone, it's like they are syrup and I'm a pancake. Their syrup gets into my pancake, so to speak.

You could make a case that women addicted men to their sexuality and then withdrew their sexuality until we provided them with a source of income.

Perhaps the most prevailing expectation of men is our Superman expectation: the fear we are merely Clark Kents who won't be accepted unless we are a Superman.

I don't have children that I've lost in a bitter custody dispute. But I see an enormous wound in kids due to a lack of their dads.

No movement calls [migrant workers] oppressed for providing money for women from whom they are receiving neither cooking nor cleaning; for providing their wives with homes while they sleep on the ground.

Men are often a lot less vindictive than women are, because we are rejected constantly every day.

One can make a case that says that since 85% of children being brought up in single family homes are being brought up by women that about 85% of elementary school teachers should be males to balance out the feminization that the boys and girls receive.

I define power as control over ones life. A balanced life is far superior to the male definition of power: earning money someone else spends while he dies sooner.

A person working 45 hours per week averages 44% more income than someone working 40 hours per week. That's 44% more income for 13% more time.

The less a man is willing to give up a sex object, the more he'll be trapped into becoming a success object.

On a deeper level, if our sons are learning they are obscene, disgusting, and untrustworthy, is this the best preparation for fatherhood? And is it the best preparation for becoming a mother - to feel this way about her son?

When only men could register to vote, we required only men to register for the draft. Today both sexes can vote, but only men must register for the draft.

If we hold the married man accountable for finances gone legally awry, then the married woman should be held accountable for children who go awry.

Since no one is always right, always being right is really a role model for his children feeling inadequate.

I started to get very well recognized in the early seventies as the only man in the United States who had been elected three times to the board of NOW in New York City.

The irony of primary parent laws is that on the one hand feminists were arguing for women's equal rights to jointly-created career assets that emanated from the male financial womb, but arguing against men's equal rights to jointly-created children that emanated from the woman's child-bearing womb.

Women's vulnerability confessing their desire to see men as a success object is matched by men's confession of compulsiveness of sexual desire for women.

If a woman isn't being hazed, she's not being tested; therefore, she is not being trusted.

Men rarely worry about using or being used because all relationships work that way. A man perceives himself as owning and being owned by a woman. Use is a dirty word only when theres an imbalance in the relationship.

How can I call security a woman's primary fantasy if I am saying it is also her primary need? Because while her primary need is the security of a home and a family circle, her primary fantasy is that someone else will earn enough to pay for them. Hence the focus of 2 billion women on the latest royal wedding.

Let's face it: men do a lot of things in the workplace that women just don't do.

[With respect to child custody] a woman has no right to a unilateral choice that affects the rest of a man's life any more than a man would have the right to a unilateral choice that affects the rest of a woman's life.

Men are not only women's unpaid bodyguards, they actually pay to be a woman's bodyguard.

I define power as control over one's life. Pay is not about power. Pay is about giving up power to get the power of pay.

Is a man's body at stake? Any time a man is asked to work to pay child support, he is using his body, his time, his life - not for nine months, but for a minimum of 18 to 21 years. So the motto of the feminist with integrity is, 'It's a woman's and man's right to choose because it is a woman's and man's body at stake.'

Both sexes allow men dentists inside our mouths, but, well, have you ever let a man who is a dental hygienist inside your mouth? The man must earn his way to our private places in a way not required of a woman--he must become the doctor or the dentist, or forget it.

For example, the equivalent of a woman being treated as a sex object is a man being treated as a success object.

The key to wealth is not what we earn. It is in what is spent on us.

Although our grammar schools are teaching a whole generation computer language to adjust to the technological needs of a Stage II [post survival-focused] society, we have neglected to teach this generation relationship language and conflict resolution skills to address the social and psychological needs of a Stage II society. And when it is taught, in countries like Germany, although called social competence it focuses on workplace teamwork - still on survival, breadwinner oriented work goals.

In America and in most of the industrialized world, men are coming to be thought of by feminists in very much the same way that Jews were thought of by early Nazis. The comparison is overwhelmingly scary.

When men in relationships have more money, we say they have the power. When women in relationships have more money, we say they are being used.

Somehow, women's romance novels are not titled He Stopped When I Said "No". They are, though, titled Sweet Savage Love, in which the woman rejects the hand of her gentler lover who saves her from the rapist and marries the man who repeatedly and savagely rapes her. It is this "marry the rapist" theme that not only turned Sweet Savage Love into a best-seller but also into one of women's most enduring romance novels.

When we hear men are the greater victims of crime, we tend to say, 'Well, it's men hurting other men.' When we hear that blacks are the greater victims, we consider it racist to say, 'Well, it's blacks hurting blacks.' The victim is a victim no matter who the perpetrator was.

In the case of a man and a woman [accused of commiting a crime together], both will often agree to the man taking the rap despite the man being more likely to receive a longer sentence and more likely to be raped in prison. If blacks were agreeing to do that for whites, the black community would be smart enough to call that 'learned subservience.'

Just as women needed the help of the law to enter the workplace in the 20th century, men will need the help of the law to love their children in the 21st century.

We always look at the 'Fortune ,' and we say, men in power, but we don't look at the glass cellar as opposed to the glass ceiling and say, men also are the homeless, men are also the ones that are the garbage collectors. Men are also the ones dying in construction sites that aren't properly supervised for safety hazards.

The five different areas in which boys are in crisis - education; jobs; emotional health; physical health; and fatherlessness - are handled by different portions of the government.

Perhaps the best reason to consider the hard sciences is that, well, one study suggests science, engineering, medicine, and dentistry graduates live longer than arts graduates (or law grads). So whatever money you make you can keep a bit longer.

I found that women entrepreneurs earn 50% less than their male counterparts.

If my parents had made love a tenth of a second earlier or later, I wouldn't exist. What an enormous miracle, just being given life.

In a sense, sexual harassment lawsuits are just the latest version of the female selection process allowing her to select for men who care enough for her to put their career at risk; who have enough finesse to initiate without becoming a jerk and enough guts to initiate despite a potential lawsuit. In the past, though, the process of his overcoming her barriers was called 'courtship.' Now it is called either 'courtship' or 'sexual harassment'.

Employers are not prohibited from practicing sex discrimination in hiring and promoting employees.

By starving our children of men, we have made them more vulnerable to the very abuse we are trying to prevent.

Alan Alda is loved not because he's sensitive, but because he's successful and sensitive.

The weakness of men is the facade of strength; the strength of women is the facade of weakness.

It certainly has not been in my self-interest to defend men.

The money men make from their willingness to work the least desirable hours is not a sign of discrimination against women, but a sign of the willingness of mostly married men to lose sleep to support the family as their wife loses sleep to feed the child. A willingness to do the uncomfortable shifts is one reason married men earn more than twice what never-married men earn. Men's contribution, made at night, need not be lost in the dark.

Nobody has said to men, It is OK if you want to be a full-time dad; find a woman who will support you.

I've gone from being quite wealthy, when I was defending women, to being quite poor defending men.

In a sense, in the area of child care, children's relationships with parents' working has come full circle. We have gone from the mom-and-pop store (or mom-and-pop farm), with its integration of child care and work, to children-at-home and dad-at-work; to the mom-plus-daddy working at home, with its integration of childcare and work again. From mom-and-pop back to mom-and-pop.

If an employer had to pay a man one dollar for the same work a woman could do for 59 cents, why would anyone hire a man?

Were we to still be circumcising the hood of the female clitoris, we would not have difficulty considering this a continuation of our tradition to keep girls sexually repressed. America's reflexive continuation of [male] circumcision-without-research reflects the continuation of our tradition to desensitize boys to feelings of pain, to prepare them to question the disposability of their bodies no more than they would question the disposability of their foreskins.

Dads in the family are even more important than women in the workplace. The workplace benefits from women, but the family needs dads.

We would not think of allowing a man to determine a woman's life merely because a fetus he helped create was in her womb; then why would we allow a woman to determine a man's life merely because a fetus he helped create is in her womb?

He and she become selective at different points; she can be selective when he wants his primary fantasy - sex; he can be selective when she wants her primary fantasy - commitment.

Men give the same lines to different women for the same reason women wear the same perfume for different men; we all try the things that work.

The Government as Substitute Husband did for women what labor unions still have not accomplished for men. And men pay dues for labor unions; the taxpayer pays the dues for feminism. Feminism and government soon become taxpayer-supported women's unions.