Drew carey quotes

I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.

International soccer has been a big part of my love for the sport. I love the Men's National Team. I can say that they're my favorite sports team.

I don't know what people are going to think of my stand-up. If you only know me from 'The Price Is Right' and 'The Drew Carey Show,' then you might be a little bit shocked. I'm a little dirty and a little opinionated but all in fun.

The people of Cleveland hate soccer. But it's my favourite thing and I follow the U.S. men's national team around when they play whenever I can.

If frogs could fly... well we'd still be in this mess, but wouldn't it be neat?

I was just sick of being fat, you know? You get sick of it. It just really, it's a tiring lifestyle to have.

What right does a politician have to tell me what I can and cannot watch? Change the channel if you don't like what's on TV!

I don't know, people take chances on stage. It's a big free speech zone, a comedy show. So sometimes things happen, you say things that are a little bit off the edge.

Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.

For 'Power of 10,' you can look at the methodology at CBS.com, it's a company called Rasmussen Reports. We poll thousands and thousands of people for each question, a real cross section of the United States.

I'm competitive at everything.

I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.

Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like Canada.

Yeah, apparently chasing a bus uses different muscles than sitting and eating.

Being a celebrity you always get really good seats to sporting events but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. So one of the scams I have going now is I want to learn sports photography so I can get better seats at a sporting event.

TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up, but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over. To me, that's more pure.

I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he told us in the letter.

I never thought I was a libertarian until I picked up Reason magazine and realized I agree with everything they had printed.

Isn't it amazing that the Germans call their city halls 'rat houses'? That's what we should call our city halls!

I looked at game show hosting as the bottom of the totem pole, one step away from infomercials. I never watched them myself. However, it's been a lot of fun.

Boy, a drive-through liquor store. God bless America! A place where you can drive through and buy whiskey, beer... just the thing for that drunk driver who's constantly on the go. Cant stop now! I've got places to go, people to hit!

I work with a place in Santa Monica called Phase IV. My doctor recommended them to me when I started losing weight. They help people train for things like triathlons or biking and running races. They offer physical therapists, testing, lectures.

I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them.

I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it.

The easiest diet is, you know, eat vegetables, eat fresh food. Just a really sensible healthy diet like you read about all the time.

Green Screen was a total experiment. I'm glad we did it, but it was just tough on that network to get it going.

Sometimes I like [being famous], sometimes I don't. I've always been a people watcher. I like to go to malls and just sit, and I can't do that very easily anymore.

Living in Hollywood, you can get disconnected from everybody. You can feel like you are the only one.

I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck.

Libertarians are essentially what the Republicans were 30 years ago. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label.

Listen, you don't know any better so I'll just tell you. You can't try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.

I'm the kind of person that likes what I'm doing when I'm doing it.

The less [government] the better.

The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name.

The Marines gave me a really strong sense of discipline and a work ethic that kicks in at my job.

The hardest diet I was ever on was the one when I was fat. You can only wear fat clothes, you don't feel good, your sex life gets damaged, you don't have energy for anything. It's horrible.

One day I was running around playing with my son Connor when afterwards I was sweating, tired and out of breath. I was embarrassed that something as enjoyable as playing with my son was so tough for me to do. Immediately I started an extensive diet and exercise plan. It completely changed my life and helped cure my Type-2 diabetes.

The economy is in trouble, schools are in trouble, and people have been leaving the city in droves for a long, long time.

Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you.

The only way I'd need a pain reliever to enjoy sex is if all of my fantasies came true at the same time.

Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make.

I have a position of indirect respect and oblique power.

At 'Price Is Right,' people feel so safe there and loved. And if you can't jump around on 'Price is Right,' then you can't jump around anywhere, you know?

If I wasn't a comic or TV star, I really wanted to be a photojournalist.

It should be up to each bar owner and patron to decide if they want to smoke or not.

I like to think of my house as nothing more than a glorified console for my television; the ultimate stereo cabinet.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

I can't do that. I'm already the single guy living in his parents' house. I can't be seen digging a grave in the middle of the night.

I always run in the morning on an empty stomach, and I'll go through a bottle and a half of water. Then I have a protein drink or I eat egg whites.

I'm not a good lover, but at least I'm fast.

What good is democracy if you can't get what you want?

You know what I worry about? I worry that when I hit my head, it pushes my hair into my brain, and it will eventually kill me.

When I'm working, I'm going to avoid all media. No newspapers, no magazines, no movies, no radio, no TV. I'm just going to do creative work.

Just because a guy has a shaved head, pierced nipples, and doesn't have sex with women doesn't make him gay. It just makes him down on his luck.

I am never out there just jogging for the heck of it. I never do that. I start to run with a goal in mind, whether it's a certain time or certain distance or a specific heart-rate goal, and then I am done.

I love doing 'The Price is Right.' It's so much fun. I love meeting everybody and giving out prizes, especially when it's not my money. It's really a happy place, and everybody is all jazzed up.

Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment.

I had no problem going into retirement mode, ... I do what other retired guys do. I putter around the house and travel.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

I love Las Vegas. I like that Las Vegas has everything. Everything and anything you want to do, you can do in Las Vegas.

There's a game called Checkout where there's grocery items and it's how much you think the manufacturer's suggested retail price is and we add up your total, then your total has to be within $2 of the regular total. I don't think I could ever win that game.

The laughs are honestly bigger, ... They are the kind of unexpected belly laughs you get with your friends during conversation.

There is no such thing as too much fun. People need to know it is O.K. to tell jokes and be happy.

Oh, and once, when I was in the Marines, I got a perfect score on my physical fitness test.

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.

I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.

Trust me, kids - your homework can wait. Don't need to be doing homework while Whose Line is on; skip it!

There's nothing like the energy in a small comedy club room or a small theater when it's going really well. I can see everybody's face practically in the whole room. There's no cameras in the way, and it's just me.

I learned how to believe in myself. Learned how to set goals, you know, self help books man. I just read every single one I can get a hold of, and I still do.

My cranky cardiologist says I'm destined to die in the kitchen.

Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know?

I don't think there's hardly a comic out there that does clean material all the way around. There's a couple of guys that are clean, but I'm not one of them.

It doesn't matter how smart you are; to audition for 'Jeopardy,' you just have to luck out and know what they're asking you that day.

The best thing about Las Vegas is that no one pretends to be responsible for your behavior like they do in the rest of the country. There's no meddling self-righteous liberals or right-wing Christian demagogues telling you that you can't do something fun with your own time and money. If you can afford it, it's yours.

And for you kids watching at home, remember, the less homework you do and the closer you sit to the TV, the more points you get.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

If you're wearing a Bluetooth thing and you've got that thing on your belt, you are working for somebody else. You are not the guy in charge. That's a really good social status indicator.

That's the great thing about having your friends around you. I've known these guys forever. I really enjoy their company just as people. You couldn't ask for a better work environment.

I remember when I took a temp job... so I got a job at a department store. Something temporary to put on my resume, my parents said. Yeah... till I die!

Reality shows always look for the worst people.

The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.

I wish I could end every rap song I didn't like with a buzzer.

I could still eat a cheeseburger if I wanted to. I just can't have them every day.

As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything. If you do, you're screwed.

The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them.

I honestly think that it automatically hurts me if I said that I supported the war in Iraq and I support the troops. That automatically kills me for getting a bunch of movies, a bunch of television shows. People don't want to hear from me.

I don't have a Bluetooth thing on my ear. That bugs me.

On other shows when they get to the end of the scene, they yell 'Cut!' On Whose Line, we yell 'That's Enough!'

But sports photography isn't something you just pick up overnight. You can't do it once a year for fun and expect to do a good job. And I take pride in what I do.

Funniest thing happened though, you wouldn't believe it, ha, the mannequins came to life. I went insane.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

I moved from Cleveland to L.A. with a girlfriend, we broke up, and I lived out of my car for a year and a half, on the road with nothing on my mind but getting my act good enough to be on 'The Tonight Show.'

Look, this is an odd question, but you're kind of cute and you're pretty nice to me. Are you drunk? It's OK if you are.

I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson.

I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

Who ever thought that the world-famous Captain Obvious was really mild-mannered Colin Mochrie?

Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there.

I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.

Every election I have to hold my nose to vote.

I loved the old stories in National Lampoon, like the original story the movie Vacation was based on. I used to laugh at them until I cried.

Libertarians are conservatives who still get high.

In any other job, they're truck drivers. In show-biz, they're Transportation Captains.

I am happy that I ran the half-marathon, but to me, just running and saying that I finished a race isn't enough for me. I want to run the race as best as I can. Working out for pants size isn't enough. I need a goal or a race to get back on the treadmill every day.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

I don't run outside, honestly. Sometimes I go out around my house, but mainly it's the stupid treadmill. I wish I had a better answer, but I'm very businesslike about my runs.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.

I actually was worried about the pounding, but I actually love running more than working out on the elliptical. Now if I get on the elliptical, I feel like I'm trapped.

I'm never afraid to die. I think that's the best thing that can happen to somebody is they get to move on and do something better.

Violence doesn't solve anything? World War I. World War II. Star Wars. Every Super Bowl. Who says violence doesn't solve anything?

I think a lot of people are afraid of freedom. They want their lives to be controlled, to be put into a box... Why should someone put a limit on how much fun I can have, how much I can accomplish?

It sucks being fat, you know.

I think that if anyone bothered to take a survey, they would find a sharp decline in atheism during the winters in Cleveland, Ohio.

What also helps our show is that we never take ourselves seriously.

I'm down to earth; people sense that and they appreciate it.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

After all, game shows are not like working in a coal mine.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

As far as exercising goes... watch for my next book, How I died while Jogging.

Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.

The TV season is a year-long thing now, and the networks are starting to look at it that way, thanks to cable, satellites, and competition.