Doug larson quotes

For disappearing acts, it's hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.

The trouble with class reunions is that old flames have become even older.

Setting a good example for your children does nothing but increase their embarrassment.

A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows.

A perfect example of the power of prayer is when a blizzard closes the schools on the day of a big exam.

For every little kid who still believes in Santa Claus, there is at least one adult who still believes in professional wrestling.

In debating the respective merits of dogs and cats, not having to walk a cat when it's 20 below zero deserves consideration.

One nice thing about telling a clean joke is there's a good chance no one's heard it before.

Real elation is when you feel you could touch a star without standing on tiptoe.

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success.

Sometimes opportunity knocks, but most of the time it sneaks up and then quietly steals away.

Autumn is a season followed immediately by looking forward to spring.

Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.

Establishing goals is all right if you don't let them deprive you of interesting detours.

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.

The only nice thing about being imperfect is the joy it brings to others.

Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two, and paradise is when you have none.

The trouble with the last snowfall of the season is that you can't be sure.

The real secret of patience is to find something to do in the meantime.

It's your ability to inspire and uplift other people that matters, not your ability to outdo them.

Democracy is a system that gives people a chance to elect rascals of their own choice.

Some of the world's greatest feats were accomplished by people not smart enough to know they were impossible.

Few things are more delightful than grandchildren fighting over your lap.

The reason people blame things on the previous generation is that there's only one other choice.

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.

Bad news travels fast. Good news takes the scenic route.

Nostalgia is a file that removes the rough edges from the good old days.

Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it.

People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage.

A pun is the lowest form of humor, unless you thought of it yourself.

How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.

What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of living high.

Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush.

The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.

Nostalgia: A device that removes the ruts and potholes from memory lane.

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.

Law of Airlines: The shorter the time between flights, the greater the distance between gates.

There's nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in humanity.

Achieving it is not only the chief means of adding to your regular duties.

A clean basement, garage and attic are signs of an empty life.

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk.

An alibi is a reason with a bad reputation.

A child is a person who can't understand why someone would give away a perfectly good kitten.

Fancy Restaurant: one that serves cold soup on purpose.

There must be a happy medium somewhere between being totally informed and blissfully unaware.

A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience.

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles.

Heredity is a splendid phenomenon that relieves us of responsibility for our shortcomings.

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

Ice hockey is a form of disorderly conduct in which the score is kept.

If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.

There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 am. It could be a right number.

It's a wise person who knows the difference between free speech and cheap talk.

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.

They should have picked a different city to name after a man who reputedly never told a lie.

If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

The world is full of people looking for spectacular happiness while they snub contentment.