Dave chappelle quotes

Everyone who wants to make it in comedy goes to L.A., so a million comedians fight for time on three stages. If you get in there in New York, you're working eight times a night sometimes. Who's going to be funny, the guy who works once a week, or the guy working eight times a night?

A celebrity, whatever I am, you get cut off sometimes from people just by circumstance.

I think one artist to another artist, the best compliment you can pay one another, because the part of you that is inspired or creates something, to write a joke or a song, that's like the God-like part of a person.

I just like seeing people. I just like meeting people. I like finding out new walks of life and new ideas.

I don't do drugs, though. Just weed.

The only thing harder than leaving show business is coming back.

I was 23. When you're 23, your concern is not for the greater good of humanity. I didn't feel like I was unleashing an evil on society or anything. At the time, that's what I was into, and I did a movie about it.

The higher up I went, the less happy I was.

I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!

Chivalry is dead. Women killed it.

The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.

I have a very good life, a high quality of life. I have both money and time. No one has that.

My father told me 'Name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets more expensive than the price you name, get out of there.'

There's something about doing stand-up that's cathartic.

Most people don't know what it's like to stand up there and speak their mind. I have a venue to do that. I get paid to do that. It's not like I'm doing heavy lifting up there. It's not like I'm solving the world's problems. It's like I'm hanging out with a bunch of people and it's cool.

Cause my life is dope, and I do dope sh*t

You got to be careful of the company you keep.

There's not too many people that don't think I'm crazy, for walking away from so much money. I'm at a restaurant with my wife, it's a nice restaurant, we're eating dinner. I look across the room, I say, 'You see this guy over here, across the room? He has $100 million.' And we're eating the same entree. So, OK, fine, I don't have $50 million or whatever it was, but say I have $10 million in the bank. The difference in lifestyle is miniscule.

For one year, I want to do this thing where I guest-star on as many television shows as I possibly can. I love television. The fact that television ultimately made me famous was very gratifying for me.

Jerry Seinfeld, he was doing Letterman show all the time, so he kind of had an excuse, that people know the jokes already. He didn't have time to do stand-up. A guy like me, I have no excuses.

Everyone around me says, You're a genius! You're great! That's your voice! But I'm not sure if they're right.

America, I appreciate you liking me.

Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he's not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn't even say that.

Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!

I enjoy my own thoughts sometimes.

I don't care if I ever work in TV again.

Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?

I have all these weird fantasies. Going coast-to-coast on my motorcycle and having random barbecues all over America. No show, no nothing.

I got married recently. So far, so good. Less sex than I expected, but other than that, it's a pretty good lifestyle.

You've got to say 'yes' to your destiny. Life's happening right now, look around you. There goes some life. Come on, Mamma, live!

Comedy is a very approval-oriented field.

People don't know what it's like standing up there onstage, when you have a wall of people smiling at you.

Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you're interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.

With younger people I'm recognized with always Half-Baked, Blue Streak because it's on cable. Women, it's always You've Got Mail. Nutty Professor is pretty much everybody across the board. It seems like they like that one.

Constantly take inventory of what's important to you.

Stand-up is the kind of gig that'll show you where you're at.

I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one point, I'll walk away from show business. But I don't want to walk away empty-handed.

I have angst in my life, but I'm like anybody. We all have angst in our lives that we pick up and fidget with and then we put down and look at some other things that make us feel good or enjoy our lives.

I felt in a lot of instances I was deliberately being put through stress because when you're a guy who generates money, people have a vested interest in controlling you.

Money is the fuel for choices. Money gives me choices, so it's not nothing, it's something. But it's not the end all, be all. There are other things in my life that I did not purchase with money that are very valuable.

I would go to work on the show and I felt awful every day, that's not the way it was. ... I felt like some kind of prostitute or something. If I feel so bad, why keep on showing up to this place? I'm going to Africa. The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching.

Things like racism are institutionalized. You might not know any bigots. You feel like "well I don't hate black people so I'm not a racist," but you benefit from racism. Just by the merit, the color of your skin. The opportunities that you have, you're privileged in ways that you might not even realize because you haven't been deprived of certain things. We need to talk about these things in order for them to change.

You get sick of jokes, you know. Either I do them on TV, and then you worry, like, "Oh, everyone's gonna see it," so you chuck it, or you just get sick of saying it. After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

Who goes from America to Africa for medical attention?

Most of the people around me have a vested interest in how much money I make. You know, so a celebrity could find themselves in a position where people could have meetings about their life without them involved. And when I say "their life" I mean not their professional life either. They could talk about their personal life.

Fame for me is like a place, a country I'm taking a tour through.

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator.

I've been a comedian since I was fourteen. But I've never really been a CEO.

I got real important relationships in my life that are very empowering relationships.

I care about the work I do. But I'm not going to say that money's not an issue.

If you don't have the right people around you and you're moving at a million miles an hour you can lose yourself.

You can't get unfamous. You can get infamous but you can't get unfamous.

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. "I don't understand this person. So they're crazy." That's bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.

My kids look actually happy. And I learned early on that perfectionism and parenthood is a toxic combination for everybody involved. In other words, so many things can flourish naturally. All you gotta do is make sure the soil's right. I view myself more like a guide than a ruler.

When I'm on stage, I get real happy there. Maybe that's the only time in my adult life I feel like myself.

One of the things that happens when people make the leap from a certain amount of money to tens of millions of dollars is that the people around you dramatically change.

If I put forth a legitimate effort, then I feel like, if that doesn't work out, that's all I can do.

Listen, here it is: Technically, I never quit. I'm seven years late for work.

There's a lot of people who don't want anything from me but to laugh and have a good time. You see them at the show and they like - they dress up to come see your show and stuff. And they pack these auditoriums and it's a lot of fun, man. It's like, this is how I started, and it's still fun for me.

Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.

I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.

What that’s allowed me to do is have a vantage point about my own life that's accessible to people still. I could see a guy walking down the street and be like, Even though I'm famous, I got more in common with this guy than, like, Brad Pitt.

Why is Dave Chappelle going to Africa? Why does Mariah Carey make a hundred-million dollar deal and take her clothes off on TRL? A weak person can not get here and talk to you. Ain't no weak people talking to you. So what is happening in Hollywood? Nobody knows! The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. I don't understand this person, so they're crazy. That's bullshit. These people are not crazy, they're strong people. Maybe the environment is a little sick.

Whether it means having a show, or a movie, or just being on a stage, I need an avenue to say what I have to say.

All white people talk about when they get high is other times that they got high.

My generation is under-entertained.

Being famous is great, it's not like bad or horrible or anything.

I don't really frick with Africa cause people are starving to death and that's not ballin' to me.

I don't want anything bad to happen to the United States, but if North Korea ever drops a nuclear bomb on this country, I swear to God, I hope it lands in Hartford.

What did the 5 fingers say to the face. S L A P!

Why don't you click your heels three times and go back to Africa.

I started when I was 14. I figured out that's what I wanted to do when I was 14. Even when I was six, I can remember people telling me, "You're gonna be a comedian," and all this stuff.

The way the people around you position themselves around you to get in your pockets and in your mind is infuriating to me.

The kid is the best thing that ever happened to me.

You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.

Once you been performing on the streets you can conquer any venue.

What is wrong with me i just bought a bag of weed from an infant.

I'm famous today. People like me today. Might not like me tomorrow. You can't count on it.

If I can make a teacher's salary doing comedy, I think that's better than being a teacher.

The world can't tell you who you are. You've just got to figure out who you are and be there, for better or worse.

Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive.

They do what they do for money - that's all. I don't even know why you're listening to me. I've done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can't even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is.

Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!

I got my hat pulled up low and no one can really see me. I'm ducked out. People do recognize me, and I have a pretty interesting fan base. It's a diverse group.

The language you are about to hear... is disturbing.

I got a lot of positive people around me.

I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful religion if you learn it the right way.

The only way you can know where the line is, is if you cross it.

I've done 10 or 11 pilots for network television, which is ridiculous.

My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian, what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.

I think extreme sports are really good for relieving stress.

No matter how old you are, if a little kid hands you a toy phone... you answer it.

Weed's not as bad as everything else... 'cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean, you can smoke some herb and still function. You ain't crisp... but you'll function.

I support anyone's right to be who they want to be. My question is: to what extent do I have to participate in your self-image?

I don't want the money. I don't want the drama. I just want to do my show. I want to have fun again.

I love being famous - it's phenomenal.

New white people, you can't scare these white people, I tried.

I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.

I get a little heated when I talk about the past. But I wanted to be clear - I'm not mad at anybody - not anymore.

Hey hey hey, smoke weed everyday

I always take a relationship to the next level. If that works out, I take it to the next level after that, until I finally reach that level when it becomes absolutely necessary for me to leave.

If someone sits and stares at you while you eat, you won't even eat the way you normally do, because it'll make you so uncomfortable. If I look at my dog when he's eating, he will look at me like, "Dave, I will bite you. What are you looking at? I'm trying to eat." It's something that dehumanizes a person, being on display like that.

You know, be able to do something great in your life, you're gonna have to realize your failures. You're gonna have to embrace them and figure out how to overcome it.

It seems like there's never enough famous white people among comic in Hollywood.

No one wants to get their ass beat to a soundtrack.

I'm happier in the way a guy gets happier when he starts to mature. It doesn't make things easier, but I'm so much better at handling them.

Every black American is bilingual. All of them. We speak street vernacular and we speak 'job interview.'

I still think people do have racial hang-ups, but I think one of the reasons I can joke about it is people are shedding those racial hatreds.

The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.

The biggest enemy of an artist is apathy... A kid gets killed by the police and I buy a T-shirt and before I can wear that one, there's another kid (killed) and I'm running out of closet space.

If you're Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston, and your marriage is breaking up - that's an awful thing. But to see that speculation in people, it's gotta sting a little bit.

I'm an introspective dude.

At the time, I was reading this Miles Davis book, and he was talking about coming to New York right after he was in high school. It kind of made me feel like, "Yeah." I didn't want to go to college; I wanted to do stand-up. And I figured, "What's the point of doing stand-up around DC? I'm always going to be under-appreciated there because I started there." I felt like I was strong enough and unique enough that I should give it a big leash to shine. New York was the best thing that ever happened to me as a comedian.

Because I was surrounded by so much negativity at some point that it took me going back and doing stand-up to realize, you know, people really like me.

I love the fact that I have a show where you can run over a kid and everyone busts out laughing.

I don't do any jokes that old. I might have maybe one or two jokes from high school that I still do.

Comedians by and large are some of the most sensitive people on earth. Even if they're socially callous.

I just always loved stand-up. It's like magic. You say something, and a whole room full of people laughs together. Say something else, they laugh again. The fact that people come to see that and participate in that... I don't know, it's just like magic.

I'm cool with failing so long as I know that there are people around me that love me unconditionally.